I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
