was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
