You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
