...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
