He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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