why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
