oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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