whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
