The maid of honor just puked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
