): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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