I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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