also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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