yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
