You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
