I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't turn off my feet"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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