Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
