she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
