Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
