So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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