I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
