I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
