I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
