where am i from again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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