She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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