Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
