my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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