Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
