the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
