youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
