I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
