capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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