I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
