So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
