Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
