She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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