Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no you cant smoke seaweed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
