So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
