I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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