I didn't shave. On purpose
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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