end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
