Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
