Don't you send me to vm
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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