I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
