I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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