rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
