now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
