I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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