I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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