Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
