don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
