hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
