Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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