I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
