so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
