she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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